Autistic While Nannying

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLsEvtZl1d5vDuCudMXfhEjbo8IRofyxyU&v=UtIJBPutgC8

Hi, I am EmKay Archlink. I am the author of the book Unseen Powers and the TikToker

NinjaGalEmKay. Welcome to RAW-tism, a podcast about my autistic experience and my

opinions on the world. On this podcast, I will be raw and unfiltered. You are always welcome to

disagree with me as long as you do so respectfully and with no name-calling. Any usage of the

r-slur will get you immediately blocked.

Being a nanny to two kids under five is an adorable experience. The toddler (whom I’ll refer to

henceforth as Toddler) is three years old, and the baby (who I’ll call Baby) is seventeen mos old.

Lately, Baby has been learning more and more words. Since I’ve been with him 45 hours a week

since he was seven months old, he copies me quite a bit. Being autistic and having many vocal

stims has made for the most adorable situations. One of my stims is saying the word “whee.” I’ll

say it walking down the stairs, moving objects, or when someone trips. It’s a way of

acknowledging the movement in a way that soothes my brain. Baby has started saying “whee”

whenever he sees the swings, a spinning chair, or anything he wants to jump on. My favorite is

when I’m carrying him on the stairs, and he looks me dead in the eyes while growling “whee”

until I say it with him.

Unexpected inconveniences are also very distressing to my autistic brain. I have trained myself

with calming vocal stims to help me cope. Toddler will copy these phrases on purpose. If I bump

into something or somehow physically maim myself on an inanimate object, I’ll pause and say

“Well, that was rude”. It’s calming because objects can’t have a conversation with me, so I find it

funny to talk to them. Toddler does the same, then looks at me with a big grin and tells me I

should be proud of him.

When I drop something, I tend to say, “Well, that’s unfortunate.” Toddler will hear me, drop

something, then look me in the eye and say, “You’re unfortunate.” It’s so funny to me. My

position as both an autistic person and a nanny to itty bitty children has led me to appreciate my

personality so much more. I watch how these kids make my day better by simply mimicking my

actions, and I feel a more profound love for myself as a person. If copying me can make my day,

I can’t imagine what being myself does to those in my life. I love being forced to look in this

mirror every day. It’s been so healing for my adult self.

I make a lot of mistakes. I’m human. It’s a part of life. I always explain my mistakes, apologize,

and not only promise to do better but put in every effort toward that goal. These kids know they

can talk to me about their feelings, no matter how trivial. They can come to me for comfort, and

I’ll do my best to improve things. That being said, a lot of the time, there’s no more I can do than

validate their feelings and express empathy. I will not let them break the rules just because they

don’t like them. The rules are there for a reason. If they are still determined to break the rules

after we talk about the reason, they know the results of their actions. Good or bad, their parents

and I always do our best to explain that every action has a consequence.

I do my best to be patient with the kids, constantly reminding myself that they are literal babies

and still learning. Nonetheless, sometimes I feel like Troy Bolton trying to choose between

basketball and singing in High School Musical. I just want to scream my emotions out in a

rotating hallway. Acknowledging my own emotions helps me to understand theirs. If I, a grown

24-year-old human, want to scream because I’m frustrated with this kid who won’t listen, how

can I expect a little three-year-old human not to scream when he’s frustrated I took his toy even

though he didn’t want me to? I can do my best to teach him not to give in to the impulse to

scream in my face, but I can’t blame him for the impulse.

Being an autistic nanny comes with its own set of challenges. If both boys are screaming their

heads off for an hour straight, I am going to be overstimulated as fuck and need downtime.

Sometimes, that means setting them up with a video and hiding in the next room where I can still

see them, but they aren’t all over me. Other times, it’s closing the three of us in a toy room while

I lay on the floor, staring at the wall. Baby will cuddle with me and mimic the comforting things

I do when he’s upset, which is always adorable. Toddler will play quietly and only come to me

with things he needs help with. I have explained it enough that they both understand as well as

they can that I have these sensory needs. Getting cuddled by a baby while a toddler shuts up for

the first time all week really helps me come down from a meltdown-worthy place.

The toddler has started recognizing my mannerisms when I’m overstimulated. He once told me,

“Why are you mad? I’m not screaming”, which shows me that he understands enough to know

that his loud emotions affect me, but he hasn’t yet made the connection to other senses. Some

days, he won’t stop touching me. That isn’t a problem for the baby because he touches me with a

death grip. Toddler only chooses to be gentle when touching me randomly. He’ll touch me so

lightly, and to my body, it burns like the sun. Light touches bother me immensely. He doesn’t yet

understand that he can simultaneously be gentle and firm. Shoving a strong-smelling object in

my face is another thing that both the boys do to rattle my brain. I know they are trying to share

something they find new and exciting, but my nose is so sensitive that it overwhelms my entire

thought process.

Reminders can be brutal if I get impatient. Younglings need a lot of reminders. It seems simple to

ask one of the boys to pick something up and move two feet toward where the item goes before

putting it back down. It is not. It is way too complicated. There will be pit stops, detours, and

even intermissions before the shoe finds its way onto the mat. Sometimes, I will find it hours

later on a completely different floor of the house, in a place that a little human cannot logically

reach. Nothing and everything will surprise you when spending most of your time with kids.

If you think raising children is easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, you’re lying to yourself. The only

piece of cake is the one you’re cleaning off every surface, even though there was no dessert left

in the house when the kids found it. This is from a nanny – I only do 45 hours a week on

average. If you’re not a parent, take a moment to imagine how much work goes into being one.

Like, shit. It’s the song that never ends, with annoying behaviors, messes, and money going

down the drain. I love these kids more than I could ever truly understand, but I don’t have the

capacity to come home to my own kids after working all day. Working parents who don’t ignore

their children are powerful. It’s incredible. I don’t even want to think about stay-at-home parents.

Sometimes, my favorite part about being a nanny is getting to leave the kids at the end of the

day. Stay-at-home parents don’t get that luxury. Their job is 24/7. They don’t get to be done for

the day. Their work follows them to their bedroom and enters their nightmares like a horror

villain.

I may have gone a little off-track, but that’s par for the course with me, folks. My point of this

episode is to express how hard this job is while also gratifying. This job is healing my inner child

as I treat these kids how I wish I had been treated. I love my job and the opportunities it has

afforded me.

Regardless of your thoughts and feelings toward me, I have a love for every one of you. You are

wanted by many, loved by many, and so many want you to stay in this world. I am one of these

“many”s and will always be.

If you’d like to support this podcast, the description includes links with referral codes to Cirkul’s water bottles, Pair Eyewear’s customizable glasses, and my favorite Amazon products. The transcript for this episode can be found for free on my Patreon, which is also linked below. 

Would you like to see more of me? In that case, visit emkayarchlink.com for links to my TikTok,

Instagram, and YouTube. My book Unseen Powers is available in hardback, paperback, or

digitally through Amazon. Remember to drink water, eat some nummies, and have your best life.

Bye!!