No Kids From Scratch

 Season 1, Episode 37. 01/06/2024

Intro~

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Explanation

This episode of RAW-tism is about why I won’t be making my own kids “from scratch.” That’s my fun way of saying that while I want kids, I don’t plan on being pregnant and birthing my own. I’ve always dreamed of adopting the kids that are passed over repeatedly. Teenagers who are about to age out of the system and disabled kids who need a lot of support. Those are unacceptable reasons for a child not to find suitable housing. 

Older children may be heading toward adulthood but still need a stable environment. I would love to help them through the transition and be someone they can call home to when they need support as an adult. Disabled kids aren’t adopted most of the time because of how much effort and money goes into raising them properly. I understand that not everyone can handle that, but it’s still unfair to those children to be seen as “difficult.” 

Aside from my desire to adopt, there are also significant challenges that would come with pregnancy that I’m not willing to face. 

I Have Enough Problems

As most of you know, I have a lot of chronic issues, including migraines and indigestion, which make my day-to-day life more complicated than it should be. Pregnancy can have so many debilitating symptoms and deadly consequences. Hypertension is when blood pressure is dangerously high. Preeclampsia is a hypertension condition that pregnancy can bring. Premature labor can happen at any time, for having the baby too early for it to survive without medical assistance. Infections, birth defects, and miscarriages are also significant concerns with pregnancies, which are dangerous for both the parent and the child. 

I am already being treated for anemia and depression. I don’t need to add gestational or postpartum depression on top of that. There’s also the risk of ectopic pregnancy when the egg implants itself somewhere in the reproductive system that cannot help it grow into a baby. There is so much more, but I won’t get into it. Pregnancy just has too many risks for me to be comfortable with.

I live with risks daily, and I acknowledge that. I drive a car that could crash at any point and kill me. I take certain medications that could potentially poison me if I mess up my dosage. Being in public during the colder seasons is a huge risk because I am allergic to cinnamon and have asthma, so any holiday-scented aromas could affect my breathing or worse. All this is to say that those are risks I am willing to take. What I’m not willing to risk is adding the hope of creating a life with my anxieties. 

If anything happened to the baby in pregnancy, I would blame myself. I know myself well enough to guarantee that. I would never blame anyone else for birth defects or a miscarriage, but I don’t extend that kindness to myself. I am so hard on myself, and it wouldn’t be fair to anyone in my life to put them in a position where they would have to deal with me in that situation. 

I am pro-choice and believe that the pregnant person is more than just an incubator. The health and safety of the pregnant person matter more than the possibility of creating another life. I believe this strongly and never judge anyone for being stuck in a situation that makes termination necessary. It’s sad, and I wish they didn’t have to go through that, but things like that happen in the world. 

On the other hand, my mental health would not allow me to put myself first. My depression would tear me down until I had nothing left. I could not, in good conscience, put myself in that situation. Ever.

My Marriage Would End

If I had to go through nine months of pregnancy, my marriage would probably end. I have a high pain tolerance, but my patience has its limits. I would annoy the life out of my husband. I’m not cute enough to get away with all the crying, whining, and complaining that would come from me during those forty weeks. It would be a horrible experience for both of us. 

I already struggle almost daily with feeling sick to my stomach, sharp headaches, and sore muscles just from existing. Getting pregnant would add so much to that, and I don’t think I could get through that without freaking out on my husband at least once a month. For nine months, that’s a lot on us both. It wouldn’t be fair.

Ad Break~ 

Manipulate Mini-Me

There are options to raise a baby of your own without pregnancy, but I’d prefer not to use that route, either. Most parents who adopt want a baby to raise as their own, so they are more likely to get a home. The more significant issue, though, is my fear of becoming a manipulative and controlling parent. I know myself, and if I spend every day with this little human who doesn’t have a personality yet—a blank slate—I would subconsciously push my interests onto them. That’s not fair to the kid, and I can’t promise myself that it won’t happen. 

That’s why I want to adopt—or at least foster—older kids. They already have personalities, and I can have reasonable conversations about what they need from me. Have you ever tried to have a reasonable conversation with a toddler? It’s a lost cause.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love itty bitties. Babies and toddlers are my favorite ages to nanny. On hard days, though, it’s nice to be able to leave the kids for the night. I need my space, and small children can’t really give me that if I’m their parent. 

Outro~