Our Start Parts 1-4

Intro~

Our Start Part 1: Big Love: The Show That Changed Us

This episode is the first of four segments, regaling you with the story of how I met my fiancé, who, as of the next episode, will be my husband. I don’t know if I have introduced him yet, other than just calling him my partner or fiancé, but this is how I met Nick.

Nick and I met at auditions for Charles L. Mee’s Big Love during my first semester at college. I’ve included the play summary directly from Wikipedia since I have no idea how to explain the monstrosity myself. It was a very fun play to be in, but no one who came to see me understood half of what was going on.

Big Love is a play by American playwright Charles L. Mee. Based on Aeschylus's The Suppliants it is about fifty brides who flee to a manor in Italy to avoid marrying their fifty cousins. The play takes the plot of the original Greek play into modern times, including such details as having the grooms ambush the brides by helicopter. While the brides and grooms wait for their wedding day, the characters raise issues of gender politics, love, and domestic violence.

The auditions were unusual and ran like a talent show. I prepared a monologue; some sang, while others were more creative. Nick auditioned with a magic trick and had me pick a card from his hand. I wish I could remember what card it was, but this was our first interaction. All I remember is how it felt to be singled out by him. I was instantly comfortable, and my anxiety faded away in a wave of instant familiarity. I had no reason to think anything about the interaction at the time, but I now know I experienced a fairytale meet-cute with my soulmate. Feel free to gag at how lovey-dovey that was, but I’m not making this up. If I did, it would probably be more rom-com-coded instead of us being complete and total nerds.

One of the first things that drew me to him was how serious yet casual he was in a theatre environment. He was professional while still being fun and friendly. Two of his roommates at the time showed platonic interest in me right away. One is still friends with us and will even be a groomsman at our wedding, while the other moved and has since lost touch. The first, real time I hung out with Nick’s roommates was without him. They made me feel like I was a part of something and had already considered me their friend, even though we hadn’t known each other long.

The rehearsals were a different experience than I was used to. Our activities were much more abstract and symbolic than in high school theatre. The director terrified me, but I would soon realize how brilliant he was. This was especially true when he had a medical emergency – he returned to rehearsals as soon as he was discharged from the hospital. That’s dedication. Nick was loyal to this director and had worked with him before, so he had an easier time with his methods than I did. Because of this, we were never entirely on the same page. We were in different places regarding acting and general vibes within the theatre environment. We didn’t become close until the events of the second part of the story, which will come out next week. You’ll have to wait until then to get context. ;)

On opening night, Nick gave the cast playing cards as a memento from the deck he auditioned with. He asked me what my favorite card was, and I told him it was the three of hearts. Three has always been my favorite number. It is the most common number with my OCD, though I didn’t know that reasoning at the time. Doing things three times in a row has always been soothing, so it became my go-to number. The House of Hearts is kind of cliché, though. It stems from the girly girl part of me.

Nick told me he had already claimed the three of hearts since it was also his favorite card, and gave me the five of hearts instead. After our last performance, I noticed he had switched the five of hearts at my dressing room station with the three of hearts. When I jokingly confronted him about stealing my card, he admitted that he planned to switch it from when I chose his favorite card and wanted me to have it as a keepsake. That was the first gift I have ever gotten from him. It’s gently folded between the pages of my freshman-year college diary. I have no idea where that diary is, but it’s probably somewhere in my parents’ attic.

The picture for this episode's cover is the first picture we ever took together. A tradition I’ve had since my first high school play is to take selfies with every cast member and as many of the crew as possible, then post them in an album on my private Facebook. I have it, thanks to that tradition. I can’t wait to marry this man.

Outro~

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Love_(play)

Intro~

My Hero, My Protector, My Nick

Welcome back to the story of how I met my husband, Nick. It feels surreal calling him that as I record this months in advance, but on October 12, 2024, we will be officially married, and this episode will be released the following Monday. I can’t wait to tell you all about the wedding, but let’s get back to the story for now.

For Part II, we’ve reached the segment where I will share the events that led to us becoming closer friends. For anonymity and to avoid confusion (since I’ve known a lot of people with the same name), I’ll be calling the villain of the story “X,” and I want to give a brief content warning for coercion and implications of SA.

I have to set the stage by explaining that X was initially a friend of mine, who I had also met at the Big Love auditions and had been giving me rides back to my dorm after rehearsals. I will leave out many details about our short friendship since they do not pertain to my love story with Nick. That being said, the whole story is entertaining, so let me know if y’all are interested in elaboration in the future.

About a month before the show opened, the cast was invited to a Halloween party at a fellow castmate’s house. I dressed up as Star Butterfly from Star vs. The Forces of Evil, and the cover photo for this episode is a picture of my outfit from that night. X had offered to drive me to the party. I had no clue how possessive he was of me, but I found out later that he refused to seat anyone else in his car. He told me he had to stop by his friend’s house on the way to “pick up something” but kept the subject of this “something” secret. I thought nothing of it, but I was nervous because he was texting this friend while actively driving.

At said friend’s house, we walked in, and the smell of marijuana immediately attacked me. I had never smelled it before, so I was overwhelmed. X had actually brought me with him to buy drugs. Let me emphasize how awful this was: he knew I was uncomfortable with even the talk of drugs and alcohol. He acknowledged that I would have said no if he asked me to attend this meeting with him. That is why he didn’t ask. I no longer have any problems with that stuff, now. I don’t partake and don’t care if others do as long as they are safe about it. I guess accepting behaviors you don’t understand is part of growing up.

X bought two joints and smoked one on our way to the party. He kept offering me the other one, and I declined several times. He finally pushed, saying that I needed to, and I defiantly said no again because I have asthma. That stopped him in his tracks. He no longer pushed, but he kept whispering under his breath, “I could’ve killed you,” which really creeped me out. When we got to the party, Nick was concerned when he saw the look of unease on my face. He took care of me as I explained what happened, then went to find X to confront him about how wrong it was to take me to a drug deal without my knowledge.

After the party, X dragged me to his car to take me home. He admitted on the drive back that he had initially planned to get me high so he could coerce me into sex and then leverage that information to force me into becoming his new fuck-buddy. He was sure that he could convince me to give up my “Catholic schoolgirl” values and get me to be what he wanted me to be, but I was firm in not wanting to do drugs or drink alcohol, which frustrated him. His last straw was when Nick confronted him because he didn’t want to cause trouble. He wanted someone who would keep quiet out of shame. I was too talkative. Thankfully, X dropped me off safely at my dorm, but in hindsight, I definitely should not have gotten back in the car with him once I started feeling uncomfortable. I was fortunate nothing happened.

Nick left many messages that night, asking if I was okay. I called him once I got to my room, and he actually left the party to talk to me on the phone. He stood out in the pouring rain for an hour to talk me down from my panic attack. We became super close after that.

Looking back, I wish I had reported X. I’ve had to forgive myself for being the one who got away when he could have found someone after me to assault. I’m thankful that I am still alive. I was a bit stupid, but I survived. After the last day of performances for Big Love, we had our cast party, and I hung out with Nick the whole time. He had promised to stay sober and protect me from X, and I felt much safer in his presence. Little did I know this would blossom into more.

Our story will continue in the next episode. ;)

Outro~

Our Start Part 3: The Feelings Pact

Welcome back to the story of how I met my husband. Ah, it’s still surreal to say it! Once again, I am recording these episodes months in advance to take the pressure off for October so I can focus on the wedding and beginning my married life. The story takes off immediately after the ending of the last episode, so make sure you remember where we left off. Feel free to go back and listen again if you need to before starting Part III.

Nick started drinking after X left the party mentioned in the previous episode. He wanted to make up for lost time and got drunk pretty quickly. I noticed this when he began kissing the top of my head. I thought it was a cute gesture, and I told him it was okay when he asked for my consent, but another castmate whispered something in Nick’s ear, which stopped him. I asked him what had happened, and he explained that he had been warned not to hurt me, especially after all I had experienced with X. 

I wondered if Nick cared about me romantically or platonically, and he admitted that he didn’t know for sure. This scared me. I’d never had a romantic relationship before and was hurt that I might lose a close friend over those feelings. I kept my distance for the rest of the party, and he gave me space to process. Before leaving the following day, having slept on their couch overnight, I hugged Nick, and he asked if we could talk. 

We made plans to meet at the Student Union after classes that Tuesday. We both ended up arriving earlier than the agreed meeting time and sat at a Starbucks table. We talked awkwardly at first, not knowing what to say, and eventually returned to being ourselves. The conversation concluded that he really liked me, and I liked him too, but I thought he was in his thirties and I was eighteen, so I turned him down. He corrected me on his age, which was only 23 then. He was a lot closer to my age than I had initially thought, but I had already made up my mind.

We made a pact to discuss the subject again in five years if we were still single and interested. . He warned me that he still did not know how he felt and that if he were to cross a line at any point, I should let him know immediately. I assured him that we would be fine and our friendship would last, and we left, both smiling. He bought me a peppermint hot chocolate, and we sat there for over an hour just talking and enjoying each other’s company. The whole time we talked, my chest was hurting the way it did when I had intense emotions, and I thought that I felt guilty for turning Nick down and would not let myself consider that, instead, I felt bad because I realized I did not want to turn Nick down. That regret will tie into the final chapter of our story, which will play next week. ;)

Outro~

Intro~

Our Start Part 4: How We Actually Started Dating

Here is the last part of how I met my husband. excited noises This is the part of the story where we finally start dating. It’s been a wild ride reliving these events, but I hope you’ve all enjoyed this as much as I have. Onto Part IV!

After texting and hanging out many more times, I discovered Nick was twenty-three, not in his thirties like I had assumed. He just looked a lot older than he was because of his height and facial hair. I shared his actual age in the last episode to avoid confusion, but I didn’t learn until a bit later. I admitted that the information changed things for me, and the countdown for our pact went from five years to when I turned twenty-one. In the time between our meeting at Starbucks and my 19th birthday, we talked a lot about our growing relationship, and I thought about our relationship a lot on my own.

While hanging out on my birthday, I wondered what it would be like if he was closer to my age. When Nick picked me up to take me to a meetup with our old castmates, I had my mind set that I would admit to him that I thought I might want to date him, too. I told him my mom has suggested that we wait six months and see if we still liked each other, but I did not (personally) want to date anyone in the meantime. We again lowered the countdown pact, which made Nick really happy as we pinky swore about six months. I hugged him and ended up kissing his cheek.

Now, NiceGuy, the villain of this episode, enters. Yes, there is more than one villain in our love story. I met NiceGuy through the university’s Anime Club. I technically was his friend before I was Nick’s, but NiceGuy wasn’t nice to me so I no longer consider him to have been a friend even then.

At this point in our story, NiceGuy surprised me a week prior by asking me out randomly, and in surprise I had replied “okay.” Though I had already agreed to a date with NiceGuy, I felt that was unfair to him since I harbored feelings for Nick. I tried to explain to NiceGuy before that I just wanted to be friends with him, but he insisted that I had to go on this date just because I had said “okay” when he asked. This is very toxic behavior. He had no right to force me on a date, and I shouldn’t have gone. I just want to put that out there.

After ensuring Nick was okay with the situation I was stuck in, I decided to honor the date. The “date” ended with NiceGuy accusing me of teasing him when I reaffirmed that I only wanted to be friends. This caused a lot of drama, but most of our mutual friends sided with me since there was proof that I was honest about wanting to just be friends and had warned him several times prior to the date.

The picture for this episode was taken at an ice cream place. Nick and I had already planned to get ice cream that same night, since I had been out of town on his birthday the day before. As we walked back to his car, I felt the urge to tell him how I once told X my favorite pick-up line, which is, “My hands are cold, can I borrow yours?”  X had said, “Why don’t you just ask to hold my hand?,” smiled, then walked away. Nick agreed that it was easier to simply ask, then said that I “could also just…” and grabbed my hand. Since he drives with just his left hand anyway, we held hands all the way back to his house. We hung out at his house with his roommates, and the one who’s in our wedding party kept making sly comments about whether we were dating or teasing Nick about being my boyfriend. I remember that I was cuddled up to Nick, and looked up at him and declared, “I think that we are dating. What do you think?”

He smiled and said, “Yes, please”. That night was since dubbed our first date, and our love has only grown stronger since then.

Outro~